SPORTS STUPIDITY THE TOP TEN STUPIDEST SPORTSCASTER PLAY-BY-PLAYS (from the 365 Stupidest Things Ever Said, by Ross & Kathryn Petras) I have a feeling that, if she had been playing against herself, she would have won that point. – sportscaster Bob Hewitt covering a tennis match Is that a grimace of pain in his right knee? – sportscaster David Coleman Matt Taylor is off – and what a chance he had. Two chances – three in fact, actually, if you count the third. – sportscaster Gary Weaver covering a soccer game . . . and Edison Arantes di Nasciemento, commonly known as Pele, hands his award to Damon Hill, commonly known as, uh, uh, Damon Hill. – sportscaster Murray Walker Both quarterbacks are not showing their balls, uh...shy of throwing the balls, uh, ball. – sportscaster Pat Summerall, during a Minnesota-Dallas game of the NFL Championship playoffs And the ball is out here. No, it’s not. Yes, it is. No it’s not. What happened? – New York Yankees announcer Phil Rizzuto And Kansas City is at Chicago tonight, or is that Chicago at Kansas City? Well, no matter. Kansas City leads in the eighth, four to four. – Padres announcer Jerry Coleman, going through the scoreboard on air sportscaster Al Michaels: Well, it appears that he has pulled his groin. sportscaster John Madden: And it's a shame, it's such a great groin. Owen runs like rabbit chasing after – what do rabbits run after? They run after nothing! Well, running after other rabbits. – sportscaster Tom Tyrell Winfield goes back to the wall. He hits his head on the wall and it rolls off! It's rolling all the way back to second base! This is a terrible thing for the Padres! – San Diego Padres sportscaster Jerry Coleman, attempting to tell radio listeners about a fly ball hit by a member of the opposing team. SPORTSCASTER JOHN MADDEN WHEN PEP TALKS TURN STUPID . . . Just remember the words of Patrick Henry: "Kill me or let me live." – college football coach Bill Peterson Basketball develops individuality, initiative and leadership. Now get out there and do exactly what I tell you to. – college basketball coach Dick Vitale We’re not as good as we think we are. We need to go out there and prove that! – soccer manager Steve McClaren   COACHES SHARE THEIR INSIGHTS ON WINNING If you only score two runs, you've got to keep the other club at one or no runs. – Chicago Cubs manager Jim Riggleman In order to keep doing what we've done, we have to keep doing what we've done in the past. – Baltimore Orioles manager Earl Weaver There are two ways of getting the ball – one way is from your own players, and that's the only way. – soccer manager Terry Venables If you can get through the first round, you have a good chance of getting into the next one. – soccer manager Nigel Worthington We're not going to win if we don't score. – Detroit Red Wings head coach Dave Lewis – after the Red Wings were shut out by Tampa Bay Better teams win more often than the teams that are not so good. – Toronto Maple Leafs coach Tom Wat